1.
The Michelangelo Code
Encoded Messages About: Jewish mysticism.
Cracked has mentioned before that Michelangelo appears to have cleverly painted God to look like a giant brain in his Sistine Chapel fresco...
... but according to a prominent professor at Yeshiva University, the rabbit hole goes much, much deeper than that: Michelangelo's work is packed full of symbols of Jewish mysticism. You may also know this as kabbalah, aka the religion Madonna made popular in Hollywood a few years ago.
T-shirt evangelism is famously effective.
What we know is that for a while Michelangelo was living with a politician in Florence named Lorenzo de' Medici, who was apparently part of the whole kabbalah scene at the time. Also, we know Michelangelo never tired of painting subtle screw-yous to the Catholic church into his work.
So, in kabbalah, the Hebrew letter gimel symbolizes g'vurah, or justice and punishment. Here it is next to the Sistine Chapel's depiction of David, laying the holy smack down on Goliath:
In a scene depicting Judith and her handmaiden carrying the head of the Assyrian general Holofernes, they are forming the shape of the Hebrew letter chet, which represents chesed, or the characteristics of "loving kindness."
Above: Sarcasm.
Bringing up those brains again, in the Sistine Chapel God appears to be inhabiting the right side of the brain (the left having been cut away to reveal it), which represents kabbalah chokhma, or wisdom.
By the way, according to another professor and art historian, that chick under God's arm is Shekhinah, a sacred figure in kabbalah.
Some think Michelangelo was subversively urging the church to embrace the Jewish community. And there are signs of that -- for instance, nearly every Christian depiction of the Garden of Eden has shown the forbidden fruit as an apple, which has stuck around even today. But in Jewish texts, it's described as a fig, and sure enough Michelangelo painted a fig tree:
Of course, there is the ever-present theory that Michelangelo could have just been playing a huge joke on everyone involved, because sometimes people back then just got bored.
Kept Secret Because:
It makes sense that Michelangelo would choose to keep on the down-low about his criticisms of the church (and some think the whole thing was Michelangelo showing his contempt for Pope Julius). Being excommunicated had a tendency to burn a few bridges for an artist who can't afford to lose those holy commissions. And, as you can sort of tell, Bible scenes were about the only thing that paid back then.
2.
The Plato Code
Encoded Messages About: His weird belief in a mathematical cult.
You almost certainly know that Plato is one of the most revered philosophers of all time, having invented pretty much all of Western thought while eating breakfast. Now a new theory suggests he was secretly part of a crazy religious cult founded by the earlier thinker Pythagoras.
We had math teachers like that, but they all ended up getting arrested.
You should know from high school that Pythagoras was an absolute beast at figuring out the length of the slanty side of a right triangle. You may not know that he was also a creepy cult leader. The Pythagoreans were a psuedo-religious band of his followers who studied astronomy, first suggested the Earth was round, believed numbers were divine and thought the universe made music. They were also probably into hacky sack.
"Wicked bass-line."
The Plato conspiracy theory kicked off when an expert from Manchester University discovered that Plato's manuscripts seem to follow the 12-note Pythagorean chromatic scale, otherwise known as the foundation of all Western music that has ever been made. The Pythagoreans made a science out of music theory, and one of their ideas was that different bits of the chromatic scale elicited different emotional responses.
Knowing this, when scholars divided the works of Plato into 12 equal parts, they noticed that Plato used the chromatic scale as an outline. The Symposium, for example, has 2,400 lines that were divided into 12 sections of 200 lines each. The harmonic sections yammered on about love, beauty, healing, ascension and Apollo, the god of music. The dissonant sections talked about faulty logic, discourse, beauty without truth, debauchery and shame.
All classic elements for a great party.
Supposedly, the underlying meaning of this structure is that science, divinity, mathematics and nature are all wrapped in the same burrito, and that the laws of nature are defined mathematically, and that the scientific discovery of these laws, brings one closer to the Divine, the way Pythagoras believed. Far out, man.
Kept Secret Because:
Of course, preaching these Pythagorean beliefs was a huge no-no in Athens at the time of Plato. Part of the reason religious leaders fed Socrates a hemlock cocktail was that they believed he was preaching false gods. And since Socrates was Plato's sidekick, it's understandable that he would harbor some resentment about that.
He took the whole "poison" thing pretty well, though.
3.
The Necropolis Code
Encoded Messages About: Freemasonry.
The word "necropolis" originates from a Greek word that literally means "city of the dead." Today, it's is a fancy way of saying "huge goddamn graveyard." Scotland's Glasgow Necropolis is arguably the most famous of these. So much so that, since the Necropolis was established in 1831, no self-respecting Glaswegian would be caught dead anywhere else. It's a national landmark and kind of a big deal there. Also, it may be the largest Masonic site in Europe.
The graveyard was established by the Merchants' House of Glasgow, an organization of powerful businessmen looking after the town's interests. According to the theory, most of these men were Freemasons, and they chocked the site full of symbols.
Like these.
One that shows up frequently is the Royal Arch, the emblem of the fourth degree of Freemasonry. Think of it as triple black-belt status of a very lame martial art.
And these.
They designed the layout of the Necropolis to reflect the "Masonic Journey," a sort of path to "enlightenment." The entrance to the Necropolis is on the west side, symbolic of darkness (where the sun sets), and a path leads to the east (where the sun rises), symbolizing the light. All the while passing those pillars, archways and other various Masonic symbols along the way.
Kept Secret Because:
As we saw with Mozart, at a time when Mason hating was in vogue (especially with Christian denominations, which a majority of the Scottish population would have belonged to), it's no surprise all of this was kept hush-hush. No one would have wanted to rot in a burial ground his church considered heretical.
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